This is not a post to complain about the challenges in my life. The intention of this post is to help you understand how the universe and and the laws of nature have taught me that peace, not happiness, is the true aim. Everyday I envision myself as the eye of the hurricane. You should try it too.
In order to understand this exercise know that the eye of the hurricane is calm because the strong winds directed toward the center never actually reach it. Instead, a force of nature called “coriolis” deflects those winds creating a rotation around the exact center, or eye, where all is calm. This rotating force is caused in essence by the rotation of Earth itself.
Brief science lesson over…back to the circumstances in my life. A little over three years ago my sister, with whom I have the only close relationship in my family of origin, was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer. She is thankfully in remission now but I was terrified as she has been my only real “parent” figure since my father died when I was 19. Next began a series of events that led to my husband and I nearly divorcing and my business coming close to bankruptcy. My marriage and my professional life both stood on the brink of failure for more than a year. At one point I was so stressed I went to the gym, took off my sweats to run on the treadmill and didn’t realize I had forgotten to wear my running shorts underneath. I almost made it to the treadmill before I realized I was in my underwear, much to the consternation of a couple young gym rats.
Gladly, my husband and I eventually repaired our issues and my business also began to mend. As I began to finally breathe a sigh of relief, however, one of my closest friends was in a car accident and paralyzed, making her a quadriplegic. Her family is quite dysfunctional so another friend and I became her main support through her rehabilitation over the next year. One year after that accident, again as I began my sigh of relief, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. 2013 was spent trying to coax her to treat the cancer, to no avail, while still being a main support to my friend.
in January of this year my husband’s mother passed away after a devastating and cruel illness. In early May of this year we learned my own mother’ cancer had metastasized to her bones and she was diagnosed terminal. To top things off three weeks later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I finished a course of radiation and surgery six weeks ago. Oh, and I should probably also mention that my niece has been battling anorexia for the past couple of years.
I’m a pretty resilient person and endured a couple of severe traumas before I turned twenty. However the breast cancer seemed to be the last straw that broke this camel’s back. I was in full fear mode, not only worried about my own health but devastated that I would lose part of the time I had left with my mom. During the awful wait for my surgery results I had some of the worst panic attacks of my life.